Caroline, Author at Bloom & Spark

The ONE Thing My Therapist Told Me That Shifted My Overwhelm

by Caroline | May 23, 2019 | Self Care

Raise your hand if ever feel overwhelm! Well sweet friend you’re in good company. I unfortunately see myself as somewhat of an expert on this topic. Not by choice, but hey we turn our mess into our message right?

I’ve written on this topic in the past, and if you’re new around here check out another recent post I did on overwhelm.

Something my therapist said recently made me think about how the language of our inner dialogue affects what we feel and how we show up in life. I MUST share it with you because it’s actually been so helpful.

No, how many times a day do you have a thought that begins like this? “I should…” answer: Like a bajillion if you’re anything like me.

I should Marie Kondo my house today.

I should finish that work project right now even though it’s Saturday.

I should meditate more.

I should go to the gym after work today. I should try doing yoga in the mornings.

I should call my mom more often.

We mean well because most of the time our “shoulds” are something that we think will either help us be happier, healthier, have a cleaner house, or be more productive at work.

These are all good things, no doubt. But when we SHOULD ourselves all day long it’s like adding a little bit more mental pressure onto our already overburdened mental capacity.

We don’t realize it, but it adds up quickly. Soon enough you start feeling like you are never caught up with your shoulds, you feel like you can’t manage all the expectations you put on yourself, and (if you’re like me) then you get migraines and other physical manifestations of stress.

Here’s where we shift our language. Try this…

1.Begin by catching yourself when you say “I should.” Do this for a week or a few days and begin to notice what they are all about. Are they mostly related to your work, family, home, health and fitness, relationships, or personal development? See any patterns? I like to make it a game of hide and seek. Those “shoulds” hide in plain sight, but when I notice one I’ll mentally say “ahhh gotcha!” just go with me here.

2. Then whenever you catch your “shoulds” replace them with “I’d like to….because (insert something positive).” Let me demonstrate…

“I should meditate more.” —> “I’d like to meditate today because it might feel relaxing.”
“I should call my best friend more.” —> “I’d like to call my bff because I could use a good laugh.”
“I should clean my house.” —> “I’d like to clean for a bit because I like how I feel when there’s less clutter around me.”

Doesn’t it feel so much better to tell yourself that you would LIKE to do something rather than you SHOULD do something?

By reminding ourselves of the positive outcome we feel more inclined to do the thing because there’s a positive outcome attached.

Also this book, The Age of Overwhelm is seriously calling my name. Anybody wanna do a book club with me? (no seriously, lemme know if you do!)

I find that by interrupting my SHOULDS with this type of language not only am I able to do the things I say I will do (so more productive, yay) but I also feel a lot less internal pressure and overwhelm.

The Most Common Ways Women Give Away Their Power….and How To Get It Back

by Caroline | Feb 9, 2019 | Lifestyle

So there’s this custom among women, stop me if you’ve heard it, where we talk about all the things we’re going to do- and then we don’t do them.

Oh, you’ve heard of it? Maybe you’ve participated in this little ritual. I know I have.

Whether it’s out loud at your book club… “Ladies, this year I’m going to read all of the classics” or in your head “this month…no more sugar. I mean it this time!”

…yeah we all do it, and I’m having a problem with one tiny aspect.

Ready for it?

It’s not the things that go unaccomplished that have the negative effect. It’s the act of betraying your word to yourself that does the most harm.

What do I mean?

When you make a promise to someone you probably make sure you follow through. Your friend needs a ride to the airport? On it! Kids need you to make them a Dorothy costume for Halloween? You got it kiddo!

They rely on you, and you come through because these people matter to you. You care about them, and you value their trust. But what about coming through when you rely on yourself? *yeah, I know crickets*

So how do we give away all our power?

The fact that we don’t feel the same type of let down when we do it to ourselves is a disconnect that haunts me. The disconnect is that we don’t place value on our word to ourselves, and at the root of that…lacking in self worth.

When I read The Four Agreements many years ago (my very first personal development book *wipes away tear*) it talks about being impeccable with your word. It says:

“Through the word you express your creative power…The word is a force…The word is the most powerful tool you have as a human; it is the tool of magic.”

By taking power away from our word we are really taking away power from ourselves.

If you had a friend that kept saying they would do something with you and then always cancelled at the last minute would you still wanna hang out with her? Bigger question: Would you still respect her? Probs not.

Keeping your word to yourself is the most radical act of self respect you can commit.

I REPEAT… Keeping your word to yourself is the most radical act of self respect you can commit.

The little seed of self respect blossoms into self worth (do you feel you deserve to go after that promotion?), and finally to self love (do you deserve better than the guy that keeps putting down your intellect?).

SELF RESPECT…SLEF WORTH…SELF LOVE…it’s a cycle, they all feed into one another.

When you respect yourself enough you make conscious and loving decisions. When you know your worth you can expect more and let go of the things that don’t serve you. When you love yourself, well, you’ve got all the power in the universe, girlfriend.

How to practice this in real life…

The small action of keeping your word to yourself is like a skill. Once you stick with something you commit to, you learn what you are capable of, you learn that you actually CAN keep your promises to yourself. And that skill gets stronger.

It’s ok to start small.

If you want to run a marathon, decide how much you are willing to run each day (no matter how small) and then actually do what you said. When your brain learns that it’s normal to follow through on things, you’ll follow through on more things. You’ll accomplish what you want in your life, and you’ll start creating the life you want. The one you KNOW you deserve (oh hey, we’re back to self worth…see it’s a cycle).

The best goals are the ones you will actually keep. They are not the biggest, they are not the most impressive, they are the ones you won’t give up on.

So today, give this a try.

Think of one thing you’ve been telling yourself you want to do, but haven’t actually done yet.
Write down that goal, and WHY it’s important to you to accomplish it. Always start by knowing your WHY.
Now make a MICRO-GOAL. Break it down into something you can so easily do because it’s just so freaking small you can’t NOT do it. Make it so itty bitty that it will take little to no will power to make it happen.

Here are some examples of Micro-goals:

Read 2 pages of a book each day.
Spend 5 minutes stretching before bed.
Run for 10 minutes after work.
Walk around the block one time every morning.
List out 3 things you are grateful for.

Remember the important thing is not the goal itself, but that you make it so stinky’ easy that you do it with no will power necessary.

Got it?! Now make the promise to yourself knowing fully that you WILL keep your promises.

I love you!

4 Ways to Shift Out Of Stress

by Caroline | Jan 27, 2019 | Self Care

Recently I went through a period in my life where I felt the worst overwhelm. Not like the bragging “oh I’ve just been so busy” *hair flip* type of overwhelm. But like, painful, tearful, daily migraines, in the hospital, can’t eat or function like a human being type of overwhelm. When you think everyone else must have it together and you’re the only one who feels this way.

I was there… I just couldn’t shift out of the stress!

Now let’s define overwhelm. Most of us are busy. Too busy. Blame modern society and Joanna Gaines for making it look easy to have a career, happy marriage, raise children, and remain relatively sane (just kidding I friggin’ LOVE Chip & Jo).

But some of us cross over into “Mariah-Carey-entering-rehab-for-mental-exhaustion” type of overwhelm. The type that causes physical damage to your body, takes time to recover form, and requires extra care (and maybe doctors, and medication) to get through.

I’m not a doctor, but I’m on my own journey with anxiety and overwhelm, and I know how frustrating it can be to feel so weighed down from everything. So I want to share some insights from my own struggles so that you may find some hope and healing. And no…it’s not just you!

4 Ways to Shift Out Of Stress

SAfter moving from a house to an apartment, I learned that the less stuff you have, the less stuff you have to manage, and therefore worry about. This doesn’t mean you have to become an extreme minimalist (BTW go watch Minimalism on Netflix, it will change your life).

There are simple ways to clear out the clutter. You can see more on that in my recent post on this very topic. I’ve always found that a clutter free environment promotes a clutter free mind. Especially as an anxious person, I find myself cleaning as a way of dealing with anxiety (hey at least it’s productive).

In addition, I also simplified my wardrobe, which makes getting ready so much easier. When my husband and I moved into a smaller apartment we put 80% of out non essential belongings in storage, taking with us only the books we love, clothes we actually wear, and household items that we regularly use.

You know what’s interesting? I don’t miss anything. In fact I’ve already forgotten what I have in storage at the moment!

This can be hard because we think we have to do it all, but if you are really honest with yourself I’m sure there are things that you can either delegate to others (ask your hubby to empty the dishwasher each week), hire people to do (pay for a weekly cleaning service or meal delivery) or just not do all together (It’s OK to say no to some things that people ask of you).

*On a personal note, this was really powerful for me when I was coordinating my wedding plans, looking for a new job, moving out of my house, planning a honeymoon, blogging, teaching yoga, and coaching. YIKES I was trying to do so much, it’s no wonder I suffered from daily headaches. I stopped taking new coaching clients for a few months and just put a hold on all coaching (I stopped working with my own coach too). I also slowed down on producing new blog content. I usually like to post a new blog each week, but I slowed down, or just shared older posts that were really popular. The wedding, honeymoon, and move were all happening at the same time (literally all within a week of each other) so those had to be my focus. It was hard to let those other things go initially, but it was crucial for my own sanity, which I would prefer to keep, thankyouverymuch.*

This may not be a surprise, but I am a big fan of journaling through issues to find insights and healing. When we quiet our ego mind and write from the heart we can hear that voice of inner wisdom that lives deep within us. You can journal from two perspectives.

First you just gotta let it all out. Vent about how you are feeling, and all the madness that is going on around you. Then when you’ve gotten it all out, write from the place of your inner guidance.

This takes some time to get accustomed to, but I swear I get the best messages loud and clear. It might sound something like this: “Caroline, you know what you have to do, you just don’t want to see it. You have all the answers but you are ignoring them. Listen up, you have to slow down. You need to put down your phone more. You need to sit in stillness.”

Most of us already have the answers within us and inner guidance journaling is a great way to access that.

…what in the world does this mean? Well, when we’re in busy mode, that feeling like you just can’t stop, it can be really hard to relax, even if you want to. So I started putting more value on the time I spend that was not meant for doing anything productive.

We can get so addicted to checking things off the to do list, that we forget that getting our energy back can often occur in those moments when we are not doing anything with an outcome in mind.

This may look different for everyone. Check out a recent blog post I made on this vey topic for some ideas!

Do something that doesn’t produce an outcome, doesn’t check something off the to do list, isn’t something that NEEDED to get done, that nobody is counting on you to do. This is just for you. The key is FUN and/or relaxation. What would be fun right now? What would make you smile? Here are some things I like to do that are totally and blissfully purposeless.

So Remember…

Clear away clutter.
Take one thing off your plate by either delegating a job to someone else or just saying NO.
Journal on what’s bothering you, and ask your inner guidance to tell you what to do next.
Do things that bring you enjoyment with no results in mind.

Give your Phone a Minimalist Makeover

by Caroline | Jan 1, 2019 | Mindful Home

If 2018 taught me anything it’s that I am way too dependent on technology and increasingly addicted to mindless scrolling through all social media and news outlets…and I wonder WHY I feel overwhelmed most of the time.

At the end of 2018 I took stock of what was draining my energy and joy the most and it’s definitely my relationship with my phone (and the subsequent domino effect of social media and constantly being connected). So I knew it was time for a healthy and loving shift in the way I interact with technology. This is something we ALL could do in the new year to simplify our lives and lessen the overwhelm.

1. Change your background.

Giving your phone a new look for the new year starts with a new background. I like putting sayings and motivational quotes against simple yet inspiring images. Pictures of nature or where there is a lot of white space are my main “go-to” backgrounds of choice. Recently, picking a word for the new year has been really popular, so I decided to make some backgrounds that I can switch up that contain words that I want to embody during the new year

P.S. If you want these wallpapers for yourself head over to my instagram @caroline.snow.wellness I will be posting them on 1/1/19 and will have them saved in my highlights!

2. Clear your home screen.

Clearing away the clutter from the very first thing you see when you open your phone is like a breath of fresh air. We all need more SPACE in all aspects of our lives and this is the perfect place to do it, given how many times a day we all lookout our phones. On the bottom of my screen I have the 3 apps I use most (that are NOT social media or work related). My home screen now looks like this…

3. Organize your apps into folders.

This is helpful for several reasons. One is because it’s just easier to find things, duh, #organizationforthewin! But also, going back to the idea of space, there’s less for you to be looking at. Less to be distracted by, and less apps to sort through before you find what you’re looking for.

I also find that when apps are in folders it’s just one more “step” to go through which may be helpful when you’re mindlessly opening apps like Facebook, Gmail, and Instagram, and you’re like “wait…how did I get here?” It requires a bit more effort and it gives your brain a chance to think “wait do I really want to open this app?”

And while you’re at it, ditch any apps that you don’t use or don’t bring you any sort of joy. You can live with a lot less than you think.

4. Set Boundaries around your phone and app usage

There is a new (or at least new to me) function on iPhone (I know there is a similar version on android) that lets you set boundaries around how much time you spend on certain apps.

Go to Settings >Screen Time

Here are some cool things you can do…

Downtime: Allows you to set “off hours” for certain apps. You can choose when to start and end your Downtime. I set mine to start at 9:00 PM so I’m not temped to scroll mindlessly when I’m trying to fall asleep, and end at 8 AM, so I’m not scrolling Instagram or checking my email the very first thing when I wake up (which has been my routine for the past few years).

*You also have the option under Always Allowed, to set apps that don’t shut off during Downtime such as text, phone, alarm, and other necessities.*

App Limits: Lets you set a timer for how long you want to be allowed to use each app per day. I only use this for my social media apps, and I have it set for 30 minutes a day for weekdays and an hour for weekends. This allows me to create time boundaries and post or scroll more intentionally without wasting hours and hours of my time.

Besides your phone, here are some other ways you can simplify your digital life to start the new year off with a clean slate:

Clear out your downloads folder on your desktop or laptop.

Organize files on your desktop or laptop.

Delete or archive anything you don’t need anymore.

Organize your Google Docs.

Clear out pictures from your desktop or iCloud storage.

Keep your phone charger somewhere other than your night stand.

What are you doing to clear your digital clutter in 2019?

Quick Winter Breakfasts: Mulberry Museli 2 Ways

by Caroline | Dec 31, 2018 | Recipes, Wellness

Once it starts getting colder in get mornings I turn to making different variations of oats as a simple, healthy weekday breakfast. And OMG it’s so freakin’ easy when you make it ahead! This simplified my morning routine tremendously. I’m talking instant breakfast every morning you can make before your eyes are fully open #I’mnotamorningperson.

The beauty is that you can make infinite variations based on the different ways you accessorize your oats and how you prepare it. Starting with a base of quick oats you can add all types of of nuts, seeds, dried fruit, and spices that please your palate.

Today I want to share with you two ways you can make this delicious and healthy breakfast.

Here’s where you start…

First, decide what you are going to combine with your oats, the options are endless but here are some of my favorites:

Nuts: Walnuts, Almonds, Cashews, Pecans, and Brazil Nuts

Seeds: Chia seeds, Pumpkin Seeds, Sesame seeds, Hemp seeds, and Flax seeds.

Dried Fruit: Raisins, cranberries mulberries, banana chips, dehydrated blueberries/strawberries/raspberries, and mangos.

Spices: Nutmeg, Cinnamon, Clove, Cardamom

Note: The recipe I am about to share with you is by no means the one you have to make if you are following this recipe. You can swap out any of the ingredients I use with your choice of the above options. Use what you already have, and use what you like! This recipe is really interchangeable.

You may also decide how much of each one to put in. There’s really no key ratio, it just depends on how much you want. I like to do even ratios of the above ingredients, just because I’m OCD like that.

Once you make a big batch of this and store it in an air tight container you have breakfast ready every day!

Ingredients:

2 cups quick oats
1/2 cup pumpkin seeds
1 cup dried mulberries (warning, they are very sweet, so use less if you’re not into sweet oatmeal)
1 cup coconut flakes
1/4-1/2 cup maple syrup (For Recipe #1 only)
1/4 cup melted coconut oil (For Recipe #1 only)

Recipe #1: Winter Mulberry Granola

If you are a cereal person, this is for you. This method involves slightly roasting your oat mixture to create a type of granola which will mix well with the milk or nut milk of your choice.

Directions: Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Mix all the dry ingredients listed above into a bowl. Slowly drizzle in the melted coconut oil and maple syrup, stirring until everything is evenly coated. If you don’t want your granola to be too sweet, then go lighter on the maple syrup. On a lightly sprayed baking sheet, evenly spread the oat mixture and bake in the oven for 10 minutes.

Once it’s roasted for about 10 minutes (careful not to burn it) it should make your kitchen smell AMAZING and will have a lovely golden color to it.

How to serve: Take 1/3-1/2 of a cup of the granola and serve it with almond milk like a cereal, or over yogurt. I have an old Cashew Milk recipe from the wee early days of this blog. Check it out if you want to see how my photography skills have improved! It’s a good laugh.

Recipe #2: Warm Mulberry Museli

Directions: Incorporate all the dry ingredients from the above ingredient list (you do not need the maple syrup or coconut oil for this one). Store in an air tight container.

Yep that’s it. The beauty of this recipe is that it’s probably the fastest and easiest thing you can make. No baking required!

How to serve: HOT- Take 1/3-1/2 of a cup of the mixture and combine with 3/4 of a cup of water or milk on the stove on medium heat for about 2-5 minutes until it resembles oatmeal. COLD- Take 1/3-1/2 of a cup of the mixture and pour milk over it like a cereal.

However you decide to make this, know there are so many different variations available to you. So make it your own, don’t go crazy buying ingredients you don’t want or need, and let your palate be your guide!

Fun Fact: The difference between a granola and a museli is that while granola is baked with a sweetener and oil to bind the ingredients together museli is an unbaked cereal. Granola is usually served cold with milk or yogurt, while museli can be served cold like a cereal, or hot like an oatmeal.

Like it? PIN IT!

Here’s where we shift our language. Try this…

So how do we give away all our power?

Keeping your word to yourself is the most radical act of self respect you can commit.

How to practice this in real life…

More posts to inspire you…

4 Ways to Shift Out Of Stress

So Remember…

More posts to inspire you…

1. Change your background.

2. Clear your home screen.

3. Organize your apps into folders.

4. Set Boundaries around your phone and app usage

Besides your phone, here are some other ways you can simplify your digital life to start the new year off with a clean slate:

What are you doing to clear your digital clutter in 2019?

More posts to inspire you…

Here’s where you start…

Recipe #1: Winter Mulberry Granola

Recipe #2: Warm Mulberry Museli

More posts to inspire you…

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