by Caroline | Sep 16, 2017 | Lifestyle
I am so excited to have guest bloggers Lily and Rachel from www.thedaisylifeblog.com here to share their thoughts and tips on failing forward. These Toronto based bloggers focus on wellness, self-care, and positivity (so CLEARLY we connected immediately thanks to Instagram). Their blog also includes posts about finance, career, and relationships. Their goal is to make the world a brighter place, one blog post at a time.
You will fail. Read that again because the reality is at some point in life, you will fail. This failure may be because you didn’t put in enough effort or because you gave up too soon or it may even be due to variables that we out of your control. Regardless of the reason why, the result remains the same: you failed.
I know you’re probably thinking right now that this post is sounding a little harsh and not really a typical Daisy Life post. But that’s the problem. You see failure as a bad thing. I never once said failure was bad. Read the first paragraph again. See? All I said is that you failed. We’ve been taught to see failure as a negative thing. Think way back to elementary school spelling quizzes. Failure meant extra practice and no one wants extra spelling homework.
Are all failures good? Probably not. But is anything ever truly totally good or totally bad for you? The point is, we need to change our thinking. Yes, failure sucks in the moment. Yes, you are entitled to your feelings of frustration, anger, and defeat. But you also have the power to fail forward.
To fail forward means to view failure as an opportunity to identify what went wrong and do better next times. To fail forward means you see failure as a stepping stone to future success rather than a permanent road block standing in the way. Here are four simple steps to help you fail forward:
Identify what went wrong
Did you skip all of your workouts this week? Did you have that piece of cake even though you’re trying to limit refined carbs? Did you not get chosen for that promotion at work? Whatever happened, ask yourself why? Again, sometimes the reason may be beyond your control. And sometimes it may seem as if there is no reason at all. If this is the case, revisit the failure a few weeks from now and see if you can figure it out. Failure can be emotionally taxing and sometimes we need time and space away from the event to allow us the necessary distance to critically analyze the failure.
Develop an action plan for the future
Okay, great. You’ve identified what went wrong. Now, how are you going to use this knowledge to identify what went wrong to make sure the same failure does not happen again. Try to use if/then statements to help you see the cause and effect.
Here are some examples of if/then statements from our aforementioned scenarios:
If I am too busy to do my regular workout, then I will do a shorter, modified workout that I will have time for.
If I really want that piece of cake then I will ask someone to split it with me so that I don’t have to eat the whole thing.
If I ask my boss for feedback on my interview then I can use that feedback to identify my areas of growth and prepare myself to interview for the next position.
Be realistic about your goals
Awesome! You’ve developed an action plan! Now you’re ready to failure forward right? Well, almost. Take a second to re-evaluate your goals. Are they realistic or are they too harsh? Yes, it is important to be disciplined, but it is even more important to set attainable goals so that you can actually achieve success. Take a look at the goals we’ve made, they are all achievable and thus we are setting ourselves up for success.
Be thankful for the failure
Look at you! You’ve taken a failure and figured out a way to fail forward. Pretty amazing right? But have you truly failed forward? You will know that you are failing forward when you are actually thankful for the failure you experienced because it is an opportunity to learn and grow.
Remember, failure is inevitable. We all fail at some point so you might as well fail forward!
When was the last time you chose to fail forward?
by Caroline | Sep 10, 2017 | Recipes, Wellness
So I decided to do Whole 30 again. The last time I did it which was a few years ago I was not successful. I gave up about half way through it, not because I missed junk food, but because I was creating a shit ton of anxiety in my head over the things I “was allowed” and “not allowed” to eat. Reading every label, trying to be perfect, freaking out when there were no Whole 30 options available, and feeling like I was punishing myself. It felt more restrictive than anything and lead to my food control issues getting worse. My decision to call it quits was more about restoring my mental health than anything else. I felt out of balance and worried all the time about what I would eat. That’s totally NOT THE POINT of Whole 30.
I felt like I had let myself down by not succeeding, like I was a failure. Would the “Whole 30” police be knocking on my door any minute??? But the silver lining was this was a major lesson I had to learn about worry, control, and food anxiety. Since then I’ve been working towards balance, which is easier said than done for me. I am grateful for the lesson though, because I got to witness my thought patterns around food.
I was getting some universal nudges that it was time to jump back in and try it again. This time I’m trying to NOT sacrifice my mental health in the process. I thought I would share my Whole 30 journey here on the blog by posting recipes of what I am eating, and discussing the mental aspect of food and anxiety.
Picture it: Sunday morning, rainy, dark, and cool. I only wanted something warm and cozy. Grains being off the list I had to get creative.
I got inspired by a post on pinterest that was similar to this but had a lot more ingredients. I almost always pass up on recipe that are too involved. Occasionally it’s fun, bot on a regular day I need something fast and easy. And any time apples and cinnamon are involved it’s instant cozy town.
I hope you enjoy.
Ingredients
- 1 cup of any nuts you have but mix raw nuts are better. For this one I used cashews, walnuts, and pecans.
- 1/2 apple
- cinnamon, nutmeg, ground cloves (or any combination of thees)
- 1 cup almond or coconut milk
Directions
- In a food processor pulse the nuts so they are chopped. The consistency is up to you. If you want it like porridge then pulse it to a fine powder. I prefer a mixed texture of some larger chunks with more fine granules.
- Finely chop some apple slices. I used a mandolin to get really thin slices, but you can just dice them into small chunks too.
- Combine chopped nuts, spices (any amount, no measuring required), and apples, with almond/coconut milk in a saucepan and simmer for 5-10 minutes.
- Top with some more apples and cinnamon to make it pretty!
That’s it! SO EASY! It’s fast and super healthy, giving you a great dose of protein in the morning.
If you enjoy this recipe share it with a friend or pin it on Pinterest!
xo,
by Caroline | Sep 5, 2017 | Lifestyle |
In my journey toward greater self awareness, deeper spiritual connection, and living with more joy, I have learned a little bit about limiting beliefs. When it’s all boiled down limiting beliefs are the biggest reason why we don’t experience positive change, no matter how much we may want it. From a very young age we all started putting together beliefs about how the world works, and who we are as people. Every time we’ve encountered a situation or lesson we’ve developed a belief or a story about it. What I’ve learned is that you can create MASSIVE transformation by identifying your limiting beliefs, and then creating a new story.
Some examples of limiting beliefs.
- I will never stick with a fitness program, I’m just not motivated.
- I don’t have the skills, money, or resources to make my dream a reality.
- My anxiety will never get better.
- I feel like shit, so I will always be tired, sluggish.
- I am not confident in my own skin.
- I don’t have a purpose.
- It’s impossible to wake up early.
How they hold us back
We hold on so tightly to our beliefs (whether they are productive or not) as if they are a cornerstone of our identify. And this creates patterns of behavior within us. Maybe we avoid things because we have beliefs about certain things being painful or challenging. Or maybe you don’t go after what you want because you believe you can’t have it. Perhaps you once had a great idea for a service or product and somebody told you it was a stupid idea, and from then on you believed that you couldn’t dream or create. What if we could change those beliefs to help us live better, more fulfilled lives?
Fear is just a limiting belief, a story you tell yourself to keep you from moving forward.
Where do they come from?
These stories can stem from a past experience where you were taught something about the world and believed it to be true. Like when kids made fun of your speech impediment so you believed that your voice didn’t matter and you were better off staying quiet, resulting in you holding back from shining in school, communicating your needs in relationships, or advancing in your career. Or maybe you had an untrustworthy father or boyfriend, and now you believe all men are untrustworthy d-bags, resulting in you having relationship after relationship with the wrong people, and not fully loving or trusting anyone.
How to Identify These Beliefs
During training with my teacher Gabrielle Bernstein, I learned how to witness these fear based stories and how they how up and block me in my life. I was given tools to identify where these stories came from and how to shift my perspective, and I want to share them with you. These questions are adapted from Gabby’s Fear Inventory. The key when answering these questions is to get totally honest with yourself and dig deep to better understand your patterns.
Fear Inventory
What is the fear based story from your past that is blocking you? Is there something from your childhood that gave you an idea that you then started to believe as true about the world? Think about your relationships and experiences from your past. Are there any beliefs or fears that you have developed from an early age? How does that block you from experiencing flow and joy in your life?
In what ways does this story hold you back from stepping into your power? Does this story hold you back in any way from living your greatest potential? “Your power” is another way of saying “the greatness that you are.” Are you afraid of going after certain things in life because of this belief?
How does this stop you from showing up in your life and career fully? Are there ways in which you are holding back or playing small, when you know you are capable and deserving of more?
How do you compare yourself to others? Do you compare yourself to others in the areas of success, looks, family, career, happiness etc? What do you say to yourself in those instances? Do you notice any fear based stories come up when you are comparing? For example: “I’ll never have the type of success/career as someone else does.”
How do you judge yourself? Going along with comparison, do you judge yourself when you compare yourself to others? What judgmental things do you say to yourself when you compare yourself to others? When not comparing yourself to others, do you judge yourself for the thoughts and feelings that you have?
When you think of your fear story and how it holds you back what does it feel like? How does it feel emotionally?
What does it feel like physically? How does fear and judgement and anxiety show up in a physical way? For example: Headaches, jaw clenching, nausea, racing heart, tight chest, shallow breathing, tense shoulders etc. Where do you feel it in your body? Describe where it is and how it feels. Give it a color, a name, a voice, a place where it lives. Where did it come from, what does it feel like?
Get really honest with yourself when you answer these questions. Sit down with your journal and see what comes out.
Remember: The more you recognize your fear and bring it into the light the more free you become. You may feel a mixture of things: pissed, resistant, open, peaceful, numb, shocked, irritated, hopeful, vulnerable, doubtful, sad grateful, freedom, release. If you start off your journey by expecting to only think happy thoughts, and say magical affirmations, you are just building a house on sand. This work of identifying fear based thought systems and beliefs will help you build your house on a solid foundation.
Gratitude: We should be grateful for all the situations that make us most uncomfortable because without them we would not know there was something unhealed in us. Say thank you to your wounds. It is your deepest pain that allows you to grow into your higher self.
Mantra: “Inner guide, I surrender this fear to you. Thank you for helping me reorganize this limiting belief and transform it to a new belief.”
“If we don’t show up for whats up it will keep coming up.” -Gabby Bernstein
If you found this helpful share it with a friend or pin it to Pinterest!
xo,
by Caroline | Jul 23, 2017 | Self Care
If I’ve learned anything in recent years is that more people experience stress and anxiety than almost any other condition. The fast pace of our daily lives, and the pressure of our jobs and families can add up over time. I’ve spent a lot of time learning different ways to relieve my stress and anxiety. Many of these seem simple but all new habits take time to implement so give yourself a break, and try out one or two of these practical hacks for stress relief.
Keep cell phones out of the bedroom– I know this one is so hard!!! I am a total hypocrite for even writing this because I fall back into this habit all the time. I like to fall asleep to Gilmore Girls what can I say! It really does make a difference to take your phones out of the bedroom for many reasons. For one, blue light from screens has been known to disrupt melatonin in the brain which helps us wind down for sleep. This causes us to not only lose sleep but also lose quality sleep because our brains remain more active even when we are sleeping. They do make glasses that block blue light from screens like these (which I totally have by the way cuz I’m cool like that) that are supposed to help. I can honestly say that I have a harder time waking up in the morning after nights when I use my phone before falling asleep- and since Instagram stories became a thing it’s been a major problem in my life.
Exercise or Yoga– One word…Endorphins!!!! Movement releases stress-relieving hormones, duh. This is not breaking news people. But here’s where you can take it to the next level. Instead of just pushing through your workout, try turning down the volume on the workout video or stop watching f*cking CNN at the gym and listen to a motivational or personal development podcast while you workout. I seriously push myself so much harder when listening to this type of stuff. I get a better workout, and my mind gets a boost too! For a more calming type of stress relief give Yin Yoga a try!
Establish morning and evening routines– Stress relief is often cumulative. When you do stress reliving activities on a regular basis you experience far less stress than if you only engaged in stress relief when you were really stressed out. Therefore, establishing a regular morning and evening routine that you do every day will help maintain your happy relaxed state over the long term. A typical morning routine may include exercise, yoga, meditation/prayer, journaling, gratitude, and a quiet meal free of distractions.
Sleep Hygiene– Sleep hygiene refers to how well you take care of yourself and your environment in preparation for optimal sleep. Some of the fundamentals of sleep hygiene include a dark space and limiting noises and light from phones, tv’s, and digital alarm clocks. Maintaining an environment that promotes optimal sleep is key in sleep hygiene. Also very important are how we treat our bodies before bed. That includes limiting alcohol (oops, sipping wine as I write this no joke), caffeine, sugar, and any other stimulants several hours before bedtime, as well as turning off all screens at least an hour before turning in.
Guided Meditation or Deep Breathing- Yes I am a yoga instructor. Yes I tell people all the time how important the breath is. Does it ever get old? HELL to the NO! Breathing is LITERALLY something you do every second of your life, yet so many of us actually breathe wrong. Yes you read that correctly. There’s a good chance you’re breathing wrong right now. No need to freak out though! Guided meditations are everywhere these days, and most of the time you can find great ones for free on youtube and spotify.
If you found these helpful share them with a friend or hit the PIN IT button when you hover over the picture!
xo,
by Caroline | Jul 16, 2017 | Wellness |
I have the privilege of calling this wellness leader my friend. Erica Velasquez is the creator of Yoga in the Vines- my favorite summer tradition, and founder of Evolve East– a wellness based business in the Hamptons, specializing in yoga, meditation, and Thai massage. We met when she was working at Wolffer Estate Vineyard (home to my favorite rosé of all time) and we quickly realized we both had a passion for wellness. So there is something good that can come out of hanging out at the winery all the time!!
I interviewed Erica for Bloom & Spark because I felt that her mission and work are incredibly aligned with the values of this blog. I’m also super excited about sharing the inspiring work that women in the wellness field are doing. I feel very lucky to know so many phenomenal women and want to support and honor their beautiful work.
How did you get started in yoga and wellness?
I’ve always loved to dance and move. I remember looking into a yoga studio window as a teenager and seeing students all in headstand. I remember thinking what in the world are those people doing?!!! I have to learn more.
Tell me about the business you run and how you are helping women with their wellness?
My business is Yoga in the Vines which is an outdoor yoga studio based at Wolffer Estate Vineyard in Sagaponack. I also own Evolveast which offers services such as retreats, private yoga and health related investments. I am on a mission to provide women (and men) the opportunity to reap the health benefits of spending time in nature. I believe time spent outdoors can heal, cure and rejuvenate a person. Taking a time out from technology, cellphones and computers is a must for wellness.
What are your favorite resources (books, industry leaders, podcasts) for living a healthy and happy lifestyle?
My favorite resources for living a healthy and happy lifestyle are the yoga teachers and leaders of the Hamptons. I am so thankful we are surrounded by a community full of the very best instructors.
What are your favorite types of yoga/movement and why?
Favorite type of yoga is a strong vinyasa class with restorative poses towards the end of class. It allows me to get my heart to beat, release stress and enjoy the art of relaxation.
What are the biggest rewards in the work you do?
The thank you’s from the students and teachers at Yoga in the Vines at Wolffer. I feel like I am serving my community. I enjoy seeing everyone smile after class. I enjoy seeing people gaze at the Vineyard my cousin Richie and his crew work so hard on. I’m so proud of this program and all the supporters.
What do you tell people who want to feel better in mind and body but don’t know where to start?
The hardest part is getting started. Just start. Try something new. Have fun with it. Try a guided meditation. Try a gentle or beginner yoga class and work your way up to something more challenging. Visit a local studio or travel to a studio you have never been to before. Experience a live class in person with a group and have fun! Explore new teachers.
Take me through your perfect Hamptons day!
Truth Training East Hampton with Natalia Poggi. Enjoy making breakfast for my boyfriend and I; smoothie and eggs please! Then Yoga in the Vines at Wolffer, followed by a boat ride out of waterfront marina around Sag Harbor. Enjoy some lunch at home on my porch sitting in the sunshine. A big yummy salad please! Take walk around Sag Harbor Village then have dinner at Sen sushi in Sag Harbor. Finally watch sunset at Long Beach with my wonderful boyfriend Chris and go to sleep! I’ll admit it. I love early bedtime !!!!
What do you think are the keys to living a balanced lifestyle?
A good night sleep! Turn off the lights, the computers, the phones, everything at least 1 hour before bed. Use lavender room spray from the Lavender Farm on the North Fork. Put on cozy pajamas. Read an inspirational book before bed. Say what your thankful for and enjoy a good night sleep. Wake up early and smile.
