Raise your hand if ever feel overwhelm! Well sweet friend you’re in good company. I unfortunately see myself as somewhat of an expert on this topic. Not by choice, but hey we turn our mess into our message right?
I’ve written on this topic in the past, and if you’re new around here check out another recent post I did on overwhelm.
Something my therapist said recently made me think about how the language of our inner dialogue affects what we feel and how we show up in life. I MUST share it with you because it’s actually been so helpful.
No, how many times a day do you have a thought that begins like this? “I should…” answer: Like a bajillion if you’re anything like me.
I should Marie Kondo my house today.
I should finish that work project right now even though it’s Saturday.
I should meditate more.
I should go to the gym after work today. I should try doing yoga in the mornings.
I should call my mom more often.
We mean well because most of the time our “shoulds” are something that we think will either help us be happier, healthier, have a cleaner house, or be more productive at work.
These are all good things, no doubt. But when we SHOULD ourselves all day long it’s like adding a little bit more mental pressure onto our already overburdened mental capacity.
We don’t realize it, but it adds up quickly. Soon enough you start feeling like you are never caught up with your shoulds, you feel like you can’t manage all the expectations you put on yourself, and (if you’re like me) then you get migraines and other physical manifestations of stress.
Here’s where we shift our language. Try this…
1.Begin by catching yourself when you say “I should.” Do this for a week or a few days and begin to notice what they are all about. Are they mostly related to your work, family, home, health and fitness, relationships, or personal development? See any patterns? I like to make it a game of hide and seek. Those “shoulds” hide in plain sight, but when I notice one I’ll mentally say “ahhh gotcha!” just go with me here.
2. Then whenever you catch your “shoulds” replace them with “I’d like to….because (insert something positive).” Let me demonstrate…
“I should meditate more.” —> “I’d like to meditate today because it might feel relaxing.”
“I should call my best friend more.” —> “I’d like to call my bff because I could use a good laugh.”
“I should clean my house.” —> “I’d like to clean for a bit because I like how I feel when there’s less clutter around me.”
Doesn’t it feel so much better to tell yourself that you would LIKE to do something rather than you SHOULD do something?
By reminding ourselves of the positive outcome we feel more inclined to do the thing because there’s a positive outcome attached.
Also this book, The Age of Overwhelm is seriously calling my name. Anybody wanna do a book club with me? (no seriously, lemme know if you do!)
I find that by interrupting my SHOULDS with this type of language not only am I able to do the things I say I will do (so more productive, yay) but I also feel a lot less internal pressure and overwhelm.
Recently I went through a period in my life where I felt the worst overwhelm. Not like the bragging “oh I’ve just been so busy” *hair flip* type of overwhelm. But like, painful, tearful, daily migraines, in the hospital, can’t eat or function like a human being type of overwhelm. When you think everyone else must have it together and you’re the only one who feels this way.
I was there… I just couldn’t shift out of the stress!
Now let’s define overwhelm. Most of us are busy. Too busy. Blame modern society and Joanna Gaines for making it look easy to have a career, happy marriage, raise children, and remain relatively sane (just kidding I friggin’ LOVE Chip & Jo).
But some of us cross over into “Mariah-Carey-entering-rehab-for-mental-exhaustion” type of overwhelm. The type that causes physical damage to your body, takes time to recover form, and requires extra care (and maybe doctors, and medication) to get through.
I’m not a doctor, but I’m on my own journey with anxiety and overwhelm, and I know how frustrating it can be to feel so weighed down from everything. So I want to share some insights from my own struggles so that you may find some hope and healing. And no…it’s not just you!
4 Ways to Shift Out Of Stress
SAfter moving from a house to an apartment, I learned that the less stuff you have, the less stuff you have to manage, and therefore worry about. This doesn’t mean you have to become an extreme minimalist (BTW go watch Minimalism on Netflix, it will change your life).
There are simple ways to clear out the clutter. You can see more on that in my recent post on this very topic. I’ve always found that a clutter free environment promotes a clutter free mind. Especially as an anxious person, I find myself cleaning as a way of dealing with anxiety (hey at least it’s productive).
In addition, I also simplified my wardrobe, which makes getting ready so much easier. When my husband and I moved into a smaller apartment we put 80% of out non essential belongings in storage, taking with us only the books we love, clothes we actually wear, and household items that we regularly use.
You know what’s interesting? I don’t miss anything. In fact I’ve already forgotten what I have in storage at the moment!
This can be hard because we think we have to do it all, but if you are really honest with yourself I’m sure there are things that you can either delegate to others (ask your hubby to empty the dishwasher each week), hire people to do (pay for a weekly cleaning service or meal delivery) or just not do all together (It’s OK to say no to some things that people ask of you).
*On a personal note, this was really powerful for me when I was coordinating my wedding plans, looking for a new job, moving out of my house, planning a honeymoon, blogging, teaching yoga, and coaching. YIKES I was trying to do so much, it’s no wonder I suffered from daily headaches. I stopped taking new coaching clients for a few months and just put a hold on all coaching (I stopped working with my own coach too). I also slowed down on producing new blog content. I usually like to post a new blog each week, but I slowed down, or just shared older posts that were really popular. The wedding, honeymoon, and move were all happening at the same time (literally all within a week of each other) so those had to be my focus. It was hard to let those other things go initially, but it was crucial for my own sanity, which I would prefer to keep, thankyouverymuch.*
This may not be a surprise, but I am a big fan of journaling through issues to find insights and healing. When we quiet our ego mind and write from the heart we can hear that voice of inner wisdom that lives deep within us. You can journal from two perspectives.
First you just gotta let it all out. Vent about how you are feeling, and all the madness that is going on around you. Then when you’ve gotten it all out, write from the place of your inner guidance.
This takes some time to get accustomed to, but I swear I get the best messages loud and clear. It might sound something like this: “Caroline, you know what you have to do, you just don’t want to see it. You have all the answers but you are ignoring them. Listen up, you have to slow down. You need to put down your phone more. You need to sit in stillness.”
Most of us already have the answers within us and inner guidance journaling is a great way to access that.
…what in the world does this mean? Well, when we’re in busy mode, that feeling like you just can’t stop, it can be really hard to relax, even if you want to. So I started putting more value on the time I spend that was not meant for doing anything productive.
We can get so addicted to checking things off the to do list, that we forget that getting our energy back can often occur in those moments when we are not doing anything with an outcome in mind.
This may look different for everyone. Check out a recent blog post I made on this vey topic for some ideas!
Do something that doesn’t produce an outcome, doesn’t check something off the to do list, isn’t something that NEEDED to get done, that nobody is counting on you to do. This is just for you. The key is FUN and/or relaxation. What would be fun right now? What would make you smile? Here are some things I like to do that are totally and blissfully purposeless.
So Remember…
Clear away clutter.
Take one thing off your plate by either delegating a job to someone else or just saying NO.
Journal on what’s bothering you, and ask your inner guidance to tell you what to do next.
Do things that bring you enjoyment with no results in mind.
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I don’t know about you, but I feel the holiday stress. It’s not necessarily the holiday parties or the excessive spending, but it’s the compounding overwhelm that all the little things bring on when they add up. More responsibilities, more things on the dreaded “to-do” list, and even sometimes more FUN can be overwhelming (hi, I’m an introvert apparently).
I LOVE all things Christmas, but the holiday stress is real. I mean I’m easily overwhelmed even when it’s NOT the holidays so…
This time, more than ever, I HAVE to prioritize my wellbeing. Yes, that looks different for everybody so I’m not here to tell you what YOU SHOULD be doing. Rather I’m giving you a glimpse into how I plan my days so that I can still feel awesome during the holidays.
If you’re like me then you probably experience a wide range of emotions this time of year. These can go from “I cannot make small talk with another one of my husband’s co-workers while sipping on cheap wine out of a plastic cup, in a room with fluorescent lighting, get me the F outta here right meow!” All the way to “Yes I’m CRYING at Love Actually, even though I’ve seen it 50 times!…it’s just so moving!”
Girl, it’s totally ok. You’re normal, you’re fine…”To me, you’re perfect.” Sorry HAD TO!
It’s incredibly common to experience heightened stress and anxiety during the holidays, even if you’re someone who doesn’t normally have much anxiety.
Here’s How I Deal With Holiday Stress:
I take time for myself.
Not just because I happen to have an afternoon free, but I purposefully make sure there’s time in my day when I am alone. Spending time with people, no matter how wonderful they are, can be draining for sensitive people and introverts. You can do whatever you want with this time, but the idea is being ALONE, and preferably quiet at some point, every day.
I simplify the gift giving.
Part of the overwhelm around christmas is the extensive time and mental energy we give to gift giving. I love the idea of giving gifts, but we don’t need to make it such a time suck.
Look at how much time (either driving, shopping, or online browsing) that you’ve dedicated to holiday shopping. Ask yourself what you can do differently to simplify it. Ask the people you love to send you some links to things they want. That way they don’t know what you’ve gotten them, but you know it’s what they want, and you didn’t spend hours driving from store to store (cuz that’s just the worst!)
I’m extra mindful about how much alcohol I have.
Most of the year we drink a normal amount of alcohol and we don’t really need to monitor ourselves. But, this time of year we drink much more frequently without realizing it. For example most of the year I will have about 3-4 drinks per week, but during the holidays the parties and get togethers add up without us realizing it.
Alcohol consumption always increases my anxiety the next day, so I have to be especially mindful of not drinking more than I normally would. So, you can still enjoy a nice holiday beverage, just in a more mindful way
I practice grounding rituals.
Ok the word ritual might throw some people off but hear me out. We spend so much time in motion and in our heads. Always on the go, always thinking of the next thing. Over time that energy can totally drain us. A grounding ritual can be anything that makes you feel connected, strong, peaceful, still, in your body, and takes you out of that tailspin feeling.
I hope these are helpful and easy to implement this holiday season. Leave a comment and let me know what you do to stay sane this time of year!
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I am a firm believer in protecting your energy when it comes to the malls and hectic shopping situation during the holidays. It can leave you feeling angry, depleted, and completely out of the holiday spirit. You can either find me at the mom and pop shops in my hometown supporting local businesses, or ordering gifts online, in my pj’s with a cup of tea.
Let’s simplify the task of your holiday shopping, so you can retain some joy and remember what this time of year is really about. The gifts I have included in this guide are all affordable, and curated for you!
As I’ve started to grow my blog, I’ve had the opportunity to partner with some great small businesses and I’m so happy to share these companies in this year’s guides. I have noted in the descriptions below which ones are from small businesses, if you’re tying to support the little guis this year. Additionally, I’ve also shared Amazon links here as well, so make your shopping much easier. I’m a big fan of Amazon just for the convenience. I want to note that some of these links are affiliate links which means I may earn a small (like jokingly small) commission if you purchase through my link. Just gotta throw that out there to be all legal and stuff.
1. Herbivore Calm Bath Salts, because most self care rituals start with a good relaxing bath! I am a huge fan of baths and always put salts and essential oils in them to help not only my body relax, but salt is a great cleanser for your energetic field too.
2. The Universe Has Your Back Journal. A great accompaniment to Gabby Berstein’s most recent book by the same name. This journal has such beautiful artwork and quotes on the inside. Perfect for your quiet journaling moments.
3. Jade Roller. Ok I don’t have one yet but I’m definitely getting this. The jade rollers have been used for centuries to help increase circulation and can also help smooth out fine lines and wrinkles (so they say…I’m somewhat skeptical about that). The most well-known benefit of using a jade roller is that it helps to reduce puffiness and inflammation in the face due to stagnation of the lymphatic system. It also helps your skin absorb your products better when you roll them on. So let’s get rolling!
4. Salt Lamp. I received a salt lamp for Christmas last year and not only is it a really cute decoration but it’s super functional too! Salt lamps help with air purification, reduces electromagnetic radiation and airborne infections, eases allergy symptoms, and is believed to be a mood booster and helps promote better sleep.
5. Herbivore Pink Cloud Moisturizer. I love this brand. Every product they make is so luxurious, yet have an emphasis on organic, high quality, and food-grade ingredients, and now they are on Amazon, so you can feed your newfound clean skincare addiction with next day delivery!
6. Ceramic Tea Pot. ‘Cuz if you’re gonna drink tea, you might as well do it out of something that also can bring some beauty to your home. I know my self care routine always includes a hot cup of tea.
7. Calm Magnesium Drink. This is great for helping you fall asleep and easing anxiety and stress. Even my integrative doctor recommended I take magnesium every night before bed to help with my tension headaches and insomnia.
8. Supherbals Sacred CBD Oil. If you haven’t tried CBD yet, then the time is now. I currently use Supherbals tincture and vape pen to help manage my anxiety and general feelings of overwhelm. It’s also one of the things that helps the most with getting to sleep. They are a small company based out of Brooklyn NY, and make all their products on Staten Island (as a native New Yorker I gotta show some love to a small business from my own backyard. You can also use my discount code Caroline15 to get 15% off!
9. Meditation Pillow. Your self care routine may or may not already include meditation, but if it doesn’t, then getting a meditation pillow and carving out a little space for you to sit in quiet still ness is a great way to start. Don’t let the name fool you. You don’t have to meditate on it if the word meditation scares the bejeezus out of you. Just sitting for a few minutes with your eyes closed listening to the sound of your breath is incredible beneficial on it’s own.
When we are in “bus-y mode” that feeling like you just can’t stop, and dealing with overwhelm, it can be really hard to relax even if you know you should. You might start to worry about all the bad things that will happen if you take a break, or if that to-do list doesn’t get checked off. Welcome to overwhelm my friend, I know this neighborhood well.
I know this feeling of dealing with overwhelm all too well. Most of us actually get addicted to “busy-mode” because there’s a certain rush in accomplishing tasks. That satisfying feeling of having all your items on the list crossed off like you are superwoman of task management (ok that’s doesn’t really sound so exciting after all). We start to get that feeling like we HAVE to do all the things or the world is going to end.
Well, the weight of the world doesn’t rest on your shoulders alone, in fact by you driving yourself into the ground, those things are less likely to get done in the end anyway.
So I started putting more value on the time I spent that was not meant for doing anything productive. This was REALLY strange at first. I call it “Purposeful Purposelessness” (Ok I’ll work on the title).
We can get so addicted to checking things off the to do list, that we forget that getting our energy back can often occur in those moments when we are not doing anything with an outcome in mind. This may look different for everyone. Even Psychology Today wrote about the benefits of purposeless behaviors.
Here are some things you can do that are totally and blissfully purposeless
Go to the library or Barnes & Noble and just browse with no intention of getting anything.
Flip through books that catch your eye, get a cup of tea and browse through a beautiful home decor book or a fashion magazine. Look at a travel guide of a place you want to go to, or feed your soul in the personal development section. This is one of my favorite “me time” activities.
Most of the time when we go into stores is because we have to get something; a birthday present, there’s a new book club book you have to get, it’s fathers day tomorrow, etc. How about you just go for fun! It’s like a playground for book loving adults!
Browse Pinterest for your dream vacation
(note, don’t PLAN this vacation, this is about dreaming) just explore places you’ve always wanted to go to, look up the most expensive resorts you don’t ever plan on going to. Normally I try to stay away from screens for my purposeful purposeless activity, but Pinterest somehow always makes me feel good, I don’t know why!
Read a fiction novel
This one was actually really hard for me, because for about 5 years I only read personal development, nutrition, yoga, or spiritual books. I always thought that I HAD to be learning if I was going to be reading because otherwise it would be a waste of time. No, the idea IS to waste your time and be ok with it…and if you are relaxing and enjoying yourself then it’s not really a waste of time *wink*. Find a book that’s easy enough that it’s not a struggle to get through. Young adult novels, beach reads, and light murder mysteries are some of my favorites.
Take a walk without needing to go anywhere.
Enjoy looking at the homes in your neighborhood, go down a street you’ve never been down before. Be curious and explore. Wanter with no plan, just enjoy where the walk takes you.
Binge on your favorite blog
As a blogger I love looking at other peoples blogs. Everyone has their own unique voice, so even though there about a bazillion blogs out there, they are all different. Go through their old content, get to know the blogger, it’s not stalkerish I promise. That’s what blogs are there for! You can learn a lot by “blog-binging.” <<< I just made that up!
The idea of Purposeful Purposelessness is to do something that doesn’t produce an outcome, doesn’t check something off the to do list, isn’t something that NEEDED to get done, that nobody is counting on you to do. This is just for you. The key is FUN and/or relaxation. What would be fun right now? What would make you smile? The “purposeful” part comes in because you are meaning for this activity to have no real end results to show for it. You’re doing it on purpose, in contrast to just wasting time mindlessly.
It was a humid and misty day in New York city in June of 2016. I had finally made the decision to do something I had put off for 2 years. I was going to Spirit Junkie Masterclass with Gabby Bernstein. I knew not a soul there, but quickly found a tribe (ok, more like a family) that I continue to support, and who support me to this day.
The lessons I learned that week continue to unfold in my life, in deeper and new ways. Luckily I also have the digital version of the masterclass so I can go back and watch every single lecture, meditation, interview, and training she gave that weekend. I often listen to the digital files in the car on my way to work and find more and more wisdom each time (plus it’s a great use of sitting in traffic).
As my journey continues to unfold, I find different meaning in these teachings, even though I’ve heard them numerous times. I keep going back to them, and they keep serving me. It’s not a one and done kind of thing. The teachings are timeless and transcend situations, so at any point in my life I can go back to them, and learn something new.
It’s hard to sum it up, but the whole weekend has the magical, happy energy that a kid feels when going to Disney World, combined with deep inner healing, topped off with some kickass business trainings. It’s like going to church, therapy, and business school in a weekend. High vibe doesn’t even BEGIN to describe it.
When I got back from Spirit Junkie Masterclass I wrote a blog post about what I learned, which you can find here. Now, two years (and several more Gabby trainings) later I wanted to share some more things I learned from going through the course again with Spirit Junkie Masterclass Digital.
1. Be grateful for the tough spots
It’s ok to be in a job that doesn’t light you up, while you’re still figuring out your next move. Even when you’re pissed that you are working the job you hate, and you want out, and you feel stuck, and you’re not doing the work you want to do…BE GRATEFUL. I realized that my full time job was the venture capitalist helping me invest in myself and my vision for this business. I could not be where I am today, taken the trainings I have, created the blog I have now, or begun teaching others like I do, if I didn’t have this venture capitalist funding my dreams. Do you hate your job and dream of doing something else? Start seeing your job as the funding you need to get your dream off the ground. Send massive amounts of gratitude to that job of yours, and when it’s time to move on from it, pop all the champagne you want.
2. Recall Your Commitment to your PURPOSE
Connect with the huge commitment you feel to your purpose, when you do it even when you have no time or resources. Even when you’re working in the job you hate. Even when you have no clients, or no income. You will never be committed to something as much as you are when you do it even when you don’t have time.
3. Take Little Right Actions
I hear so many people say “How do I get where I want to be?” Gabby’s answer, “Lots of little right actions.” Most success stories look like an over night success, and so we think a giant leap forward is needed for us to be successful too. It doesn’t work like that, babe. If you want to get to where you want to go, you have to focus on two things first: 1) aligning with what you are meant to do (that takes some time listening to your inner teacher, as well as trying and failing numerous times before you realize what that is) and 2) stay connected to that inner teacher and you will be guided to those little right actions. Take each small step forward what it is presented and you will be on your path. *the one caveat I will say about #2 is that if you live in fear, you won’t see the next steps when they are presented to you. Fear puts blinders on to your purpose. How many missed opportunities might have come and gone because you didn’t see them, or were too afraid to jump at them.
4. Feel the fear, and do it anyway
You might ask, well how do I know the difference between fear, and when something truly isn’t right. Girl, meet your intuition, she’s here to help you. Most of the time she knows, in an instant. But the key ingredient you want in the good kind of fear is excitement. WTF am I talking about? When an opportunity or idea presents itself, do you feel the kind of fear that’s like “omg, that’s amazing, but there’s no way I can do that, holy shit, who am I to do that” or is it a clear sense that it’s doesn’t light you up. <EXCITEMENT. When you are scared and excited, vs scared and “meh” then you know the difference.
5. Roadblocks are often opportunities in disguise
Even when things don’t work out, it’s not because It wasn’t meant to be. It’s because it was meant to not work out, and teach you something, and take you on a journey in the process. You are never the same person you were after you try something and it doesn’t work out. You are not back at square one when the relationship doesn’t work out, and you are not starting over when your business idea goes bust. You are on the other side of that failure for a reason. Every experience that moves your forward is your next right step. The universe creates space, opens doors, and guides you to lessons and resources and opportunities.
6. You are right where you need to be. PERIOD. You’re not going any slower or faster than you need to, or think you should.
Own the journeys that you have been on. All that you have been through was exactly as it needed to be for you to be here today, Own it. Be it. Express it. Heal it, if need be. But take command of where you’ve been, thank it, and let it propel you toward your greater purpose.
PS Gabby is doing a FREE 3-part video training that will get you into action to be abundant and make an impact doing what you love.
Like I did when I trained under Gabby, you’ll gain the confidence to embrace the fact that you have a divine purpose — and start taking inspired action so it can unfold.
Hi, I’m Caroline! Welcome to Bloom & Spark, an intuition led, wellness based lifestyle blog. With a focus on mindfulness and sustainability this space is for creating authentic engagement in what it means to live well. Here you will find insights and lifestyle tips for yoga & meditation, simple recipes, purposeful living, and realistic sustainability. Manifesting Generator, Gemini,
