Raise your hand if ever feel overwhelm! Well sweet friend you’re in good company. I unfortunately see myself as somewhat of an expert on this topic. Not by choice, but hey we turn our mess into our message right?
I’ve written on this topic in the past, and if you’re new around here check out another recent post I did on overwhelm.
Something my therapist said recently made me think about how the language of our inner dialogue affects what we feel and how we show up in life. I MUST share it with you because it’s actually been so helpful.
No, how many times a day do you have a thought that begins like this? “I should…” answer: Like a bajillion if you’re anything like me.
I should Marie Kondo my house today.
I should finish that work project right now even though it’s Saturday.
I should meditate more.
I should go to the gym after work today. I should try doing yoga in the mornings.
I should call my mom more often.
We mean well because most of the time our “shoulds” are something that we think will either help us be happier, healthier, have a cleaner house, or be more productive at work.
These are all good things, no doubt. But when we SHOULD ourselves all day long it’s like adding a little bit more mental pressure onto our already overburdened mental capacity.
We don’t realize it, but it adds up quickly. Soon enough you start feeling like you are never caught up with your shoulds, you feel like you can’t manage all the expectations you put on yourself, and (if you’re like me) then you get migraines and other physical manifestations of stress.
Here’s where we shift our language. Try this…
1.Begin by catching yourself when you say “I should.” Do this for a week or a few days and begin to notice what they are all about. Are they mostly related to your work, family, home, health and fitness, relationships, or personal development? See any patterns? I like to make it a game of hide and seek. Those “shoulds” hide in plain sight, but when I notice one I’ll mentally say “ahhh gotcha!” just go with me here.
2. Then whenever you catch your “shoulds” replace them with “I’d like to….because (insert something positive).” Let me demonstrate…
- “I should meditate more.” —> “I’d like to meditate today because it might feel relaxing.”
- “I should call my best friend more.” —> “I’d like to call my bff because I could use a good laugh.”
- “I should clean my house.” —> “I’d like to clean for a bit because I like how I feel when there’s less clutter around me.”
Doesn’t it feel so much better to tell yourself that you would LIKE to do something rather than you SHOULD do something?
By reminding ourselves of the positive outcome we feel more inclined to do the thing because there’s a positive outcome attached.
Also this book, The Age of Overwhelm is seriously calling my name. Anybody wanna do a book club with me? (no seriously, lemme know if you do!)
I find that by interrupting my SHOULDS with this type of language not only am I able to do the things I say I will do (so more productive, yay) but I also feel a lot less internal pressure and overwhelm.
